Restrained.

I've had no wish to write for a while. Every time I sit down and think that I should write something all ideas and all inspiration fly away in an instant. I've had things in my mind to write about as always. But I just can't transfer them in to words at the moment. I feel held back. I know that I am writing for me, and I usually do. But the knowledge of my readers is still there in the back of my mind and as I have at times before I find that knowledge restraining me at the moment. The interesting aspect is that it seemed easier to be open and putting myself out there when I was unhappy. That's stupid. To me it is stupid. I am happy and want to scream it from a mountain top. But I'm scared. That if I scream it would go away. And I would be standing there with the echo of my scream but without reason for my words. I'm scared that the loudness of my joy would be to much and would make you run. And I hate this fear and I hate this feeling of restraint. So I want to write, as I always have, what is on my mind and in my heart. And if anyone can't handle it, if anyone doesn't want this kind of insight in me, then stop reading. Then this blog is not for you. Because this is me. This is the way I write and the way I open up. And it is not necessary to read this blog to be a part of my life. There are many other ways to get to know me and know what is going on with me. And this is never all of me. It is bits and pieces that I chose the share. This is things that matter somehow, some times in their insignificance. This is my space and I will write what is on my mind. Again. And what is on my mind right now is you. And that you're mine and that I'm happy. And that when you send me a kiss online I smile for a long while. And I don't know anything about time or future. I just know, right now, right here, I'm smiling.
And I have realised that it is way harder to find songs about happy love than unhappy love.