Involuntary father.

During the last months there has been a debate going on at a Swedish tabloid's online version about pregnant women's right to alone decide about the faith of the baby. The debate originated from a readers e-mail to one of the bloggers of the site. The reader was in a problematic relationship when she discovered she was pregnant, which according to her was not planned at all. I don't remember the exact detail of what had happened with her, if they just broke up or if her boyfriend left when she told him about the pregnancy, but the bottom line was he didn't want this child and he was now out of her life. Her problem now was that she really wanted a baby, and was therefore wondering if it was okay to keep this one, that was already growing inside her.

I followed some of the debate and some of the comments and responses to this post was shocking to me. So many women told her that of course she could keep it. That of course it was normal that she wanted a child. And why should she suffer, and give up this child, just because the father didn't want it. Just because the father was an irresponsible basterd that just took off. All power to the women! Screw the stupid men! (Okay maybe a bit over the top, but some comments were quite aggressive).

This way of thinking is really shocking to me.

I do think that women should have the power over their body!
I do think that abortions should be legal and free and that it shall be possible for a women to have an abortion with no questions asked!
I do think that there should be good and safe medical care for pregnant women everywhere, it should be safe both to have an abortion as well as to give birth!

So yes, I do agree that the power of deciding the faith of an unborn baby lies with the women. BUT with great power comes great responsibility! A baby is conceived by two people (and I am not taking rapes in to this discussion, because that is another discussion). I do believe that those two people have the equal rights and responsibilities regarding their baby! And it is up to the woman to make sure that the father gets access to those right and responsibilities, she has the power.

And if you as a woman can't care less about the father of your child. If you think that he's a jerk and just don't give a shit about him and his rights, then at least think about the child! Who are you to decide that a mother is enough? Who are you to bring a child in to this world, that has a father that doesn't wants it? How are you going to explain that to you child?

I understand the want for a child. I understand that it might feel convenient to just keep the child that is already created. But I am claiming it is not the right way. There are other ways to have a child as a single mother. There are insemination or adoption. Yes it will take time, and energy and some money. But that child will be wanted and loved. The right way is not necessarily easy.

It is important to remember both parents parts in a pregnancy and not for women use the power they have, just because they can.

Also there are two very good articled related to this, published in a Swedish magazine yesterday:
"Kvinna - tänk dig att tvingas bli mamma"
"1 av 25 pappor fick barnet mot sin vilja"