Capoeira - the art of humiliation.

A few weeks ago we got the most meaningful lesson so far in capoeira class. Our teacher told us: "Capoeira is about humiliation". And the world started making sense. Capoeira is an martial art. An art that mixes movement, music and rhythm. To learn it is hard because all elements has to be there and they have to be there at the same time. You can learn the movements and still not do capoeira because the feeling is missing. Or the same goes if you just have a rhytm but doesn't know the capoeira moves. Therefor it is hard to learn and also hard to teach. At least to teach the way that we usually speak about teaching. You can not lecture how to find your own shinga, with your own rhytm. It has to come through your self. And it will come through trying and training. But the movements are difficult and tricky and when you are thaught new ones you feel like a stupid moron that can't understand anything.

And this is were the wise words apply. This is the point. To feel stupid is a part of capoeira, an important part. To go into the roda and play capoeira and do the moves even though you don't know them, even though every body is watching just you and you feel totally humiliated some times, this is how you learn! This is how you get better at capoeira. This fact is so true.

And this fact is freaking me out. I am not good with humiliation. I am a careful, thinking person that go trough life very aware of where I step. Humiliation and ridicule is not paths I put my feet on. I want shine in everything I do. This is why it took me very long to learn english. Or not to learn it but to speak it, because i refused to speak if I couldn't say it correct. But this is of course very stupid. I know that. I know that you learn to speak english through speaking it, or danish as well for that matter. But there's just this thing inside me, that holds me back. This little person terrified of humiliation. I have come a long way with this. The things I do now, the social and outgoing person that I've become is in some ways light years from the 16 year old shy girl I once was. And I'm proud and happy about that. But I have more steps to take, more work to do here. And it's for this reason that capoeria is the perfect activity for me. Because it makes me anxious. It shakes my walls and it is bringing one option only. If I want to keep up capoeira and get at least desently good at it, then humilation has to become my friend. And that is very very healty for me, that's for sure.