Batizado coming up.

After my first training with the professional white pants the feeling of nervousity for the upcoming weekend is bigger than in a long time. But it is a positive nervous feeling. Like before an important football game and you know that these moments will matter. Or before starting something new, a nervousness about something unknown. So it's the nervous excitement of the big unknown ahead. But I believe it is going to be great! So much fun, so much learning and so many nice people. And all in the white pants.

Dinner.

1 double sandwich with cheese, salami and cucumber
2 pieces of knäckebröd (hard bread) with tzatziki
1 sandwich with nutella
1/2 glass of apple juice
1 glass of orange juice

some people call me crazy... i think i'm just special :P

Tired.

I'm tired. And it's annoying.

Here we are.

From underneath the trees, we watch the sky
Confusing stars for satellites
I never dreamed that you'd be mine
But here we are, we're here tonight.

Happy birthday Lina-babe.

Happy birthday my sweet darling! My fierce cool babe with the angelic face. So many fun moments of surprised people have come in your company! Have the best day ever! I miss you!

The road we walk.

The roads we walk. Sometimes straight on sometimes turning in a crossroad. Sometimes the road ahead is quite clear and might even seem predictable. Sometimes we found ourselves in a situation were we can keep going on that know road or chose to take another road. A road that leads into something unknown. I think most of us have stood there some time. And I think most of us have chosen the unknown at least once. I know I have, and I hope that most people have. But no matter which ways we chose there are also twists and turns of life that we can not predict. They just occur. For good and bad these unexpected things hit us with joy or sorrow. And we stand there bewildered not able to understand what happened. In the moment of sorrow asking for answers and explanations. In the moment of joy just thanking that lucky star of ours. So were is this going? It's is just a reminder to that life is short, and filled with uncontrollable events. So just enjoy the ride! Do sit back. Go out there. Do things! Act! Chose! When unexpected sorrow hits you, grieve and learn and cherish the good memories. And when your life is filled with joy be happy and smile!

Challange me.

Thank you thank you darling for your time and your opinions. I hate to be questioned and to be forced to revise what I have written. To think more and again and do over. But I love the result that comes out of it. I love your mind and the way you challenge me. I love you so much my sweet sweet darling and if there are seconds that I regret moving from Stockholm, they spring from thoughts about you. I still think we should be co-professors in Jack Sparrow! Morgonsoffan here we come!

Reflection.

I like to lye down on my couch with the computer on my stomach and watch a tv-series, check my mails or talk to my mum, basicly just relax. I like the warmth from the computer on my body. Is that very weird?? I just realised that maybe it is...

My sweet darlings.

A long weekend with so much wonderful. Guest after guest arriving. Or more accurately friend after friend coming back. I realise how much I miss you and the life we had when you are here. The nights at Studenterhuset or at Moose and all those wonderful wonderful dinners. Just hanging out, chatting and totally being our selves. Fuck I miss it. I know that the life we had is gone. We can never have what we had again. I don't believe we will manage to combine our lives and dreams to the same geographically place again (or maybe when we're really really old, lets all move to a retirement home in Florida or something, that would be awesome!). But no matter what we will always have eachother and we will have these reunions. And they are amazing. It is so much fun. And it is so natural, so realxed, so me and us. Nothing is complicated or wierd. Nothing is cramped or to much. And we are the party queens. We are Sophie bitches, and we are pround! I love you all and I enjoyed these days so much! Next time back to Bremen! I can't wait...

So awesome.

Just hanging out in my room. Maija next to me on the couch. Kat and Gerhard on the bed. Dario on the other side of the table. Hanna keeping Sophie company in the kitchen. Some beers. Some wine. Just so natural. So not weird at all. But still SO AMAZING!! I'm just happy happy happy and more is to come and the party is coming up!

WOHO! :P

It has begun.

According to my darling flatmate, aka. the small annoying greek thing, it is four more days until her life ends. For me it's four more days until an awesome party and until she will stop harassing me constantly to find out all the secrets. But I think my life will be a bit easier from now, because today it has finally started. Around 10.30 Hanna arrived, giving Sophie quite a shock and defenetly a happy surprise. So she's entertained for a while... but baby this is just the beginning...

A danish winter jacket.

Finally feeling better. Thank you Claire for stirring up my mind and question me. I really appreciate it.

Anyway. Another matter is my shopping. I went out yesterday to get some party tops. There are so many parties coming up, it's really crazy. But I didn't find anything! Or that's is not quite accurate. I didn't find any party tops. But I did find a danish winter jacket! This expression has risen some question among people I've talked to. So an explanation follows. I realised that when it gets to cold to wear my leather jacket I have nothing to wear. The next thing I have is my winter jacket, but it's way to warm here. I didn't even wear it once last year. But I was hit by the insight that I need a what I would call, in between jacket. So I went in to New Yorker and it was full of exactly these kind of jackets. At first I thought it was a bot weird. Cause when do you use these, a couple of weeks in november? But then I had another realisation. In Copenhagen this is the kind of jacket you wear the whole winter. In Stockholm it is an in between jacket for november and march, but here it's a winter jacket. Fascinating! So I bought a really nice purlpe jacket with a hood. I bought a danish winter jacket.

All at once.

In case someone hadn't noticed. When I see one thing negative I have a great tendancy to see everything negative.

But on thing is for sure. Something has to be done. And it's going to take hard work and some sacrifice. I hate that. I want the things I want right now, right here, just like that. I'm not patient, I don't like hard work or to give something up. But I know that it feels really good after getting something that way...

Insights.

Some times they just hit you. Some times they grown during time. And some times they get thrown in your face by a great insightful friend. Either way they show up and some times they are good and some times they are not so good. Like realising that you're not very happy at all with you life situation. A situation you thought were just fine. But the worst thing to hit me to day was the reminder of the lost of belief in my self. The lost of belief in my competence. How did that happen and when? I was not like this in Sweden. I was high performing and very confident about my academic and work related abilities. Then I moved here and I blossomed with my social abilities. Did that have anything to do with it? It sounds ridiculous saying that you can't have them both. I know that I'm good at a lot of things. But I don't know what the things I'm good at are good for. Or in which interesting way they could be useful. I feel stuck, useless and worthless. And I knew that I felt this way. I felt it earlier this year. I felt it with a restlessness and an urge for change. But I told myself that it was natural. That this is growing up. That this is leaving the student life behind and entering the working world. And others helped me see my life this way and I covered all these feelings up and I hid them away. And today they all came rushing back. And I don't really believe the things I said today. I believe the things you said. I believe I can finish my thesis and I believe that I can change my life and be happy about all parts of it. I just can't say the words at the moment.

IKEA day

Four hours was at Ikea today. A saturday of all days... But oh my go it was so much fun! We managed to:

• decide on a couch for Claire
• find an awsome crazy blue table for Claire
• Claire making good frineds with the table and finally deciding to get it
• to loose the note with the shelf number for the couch and the table
• go back an write the shelfnumbers again
• have food a break
• go trough the bottom floor very thorough
• realise that the legs for the table are way to short
• get out trolley for the couch stolen
• guard the last couches while getting a new trolley
• stand in a looooong line
• pay for all our stuff
• get the couch and the other stuff in to mum's car!
• have food break number 2
• go for a second look at talbes and legs
• realise that the legs were not to short but actually really perfect
• have a second talk to the blue table and then decide to get the table and the legs after all
• stand in a long line
• pay
• get the table at the special deliviery place
• get the table in to the car
• get all the stuff in to Claire's place
  

Just a really really great day!

Wonderful news.

Tompa has booked he's ticket to Cph! I can hardly believe and Sophie still says "yeah yeah I believe it when I see him here", that's how hard it has been to make this happen. But in one week from now he will come! I'm so happy! And we will have so much fun going crazy the swedish way in my dear Copes! WOHO!

SKÅL!

Silly dad.

I love my dad. Except that he's a great dad, he's just the silliest ever. I was looking trough the photo album I made about the Australia/NZ trip we made 10 years ago. On the last page everybody had written something. My dad ended he's otherwise serious words with "And it was also nice to get some sun on my beautiful body". So it's not my fault that I'm hot and that I go around saying it all the time! It's in my genes :P

Emotional hangover

I hate you. That's all.