To censor or not to censor.

Some recent comments on my blog has gotten me thinking. I am the moderator of my blog and I chose which comments are published and which are not. There has been times when I have chosen not to. But those times has been because the comment is totally irrelevant to what I've written. Because in general I believe in freedom of speach. I believe in everybody's right to state their opion and I don't want to ban comments just because they are disagreeing with my point of view. With that said though, I also want to say that I don't want to post comments that are offensive. The line here is of course a fine one, but I think that comments that border to offensive are usually quite obviously lacking any sustainable materia in them. And I hope it is also clear to my readers when commenters have opinions about matters that they actually know nothing or very little about. And of course, even though it is in a democratic spirit to be allowed to air your opinions anonymously, it to me personaly gives more credability to an opinion when somebody choses to stand behind it. So the bottom line here is that I aim to post as much as I can when it comes to comments, and I anyone would feel offended by something on my blog, I hope you'd inform me of that, because we all have different way of seeing things and writing should be an open dialogue, but never a place of fear or bad feelings.

Silly.

A normal chat. Work. Plans for the evening. And a filaaaki for good bye. And I can't help smiling and a warm feeling is spreading inside. Silly. But in a great way. :)

Pitch black.

It's 16.14 in the afternoon and the world outside has gone pitch black. Winter time in Scandinavia. Snow has been falling again today and together with the snow from a couple of days ago it lies covers some parts of the ground. The fact that it's staying and not melting int to water when it hits the ground tells me it's cold outside. In Stockholm this would not be that cold, and this would not be considered a lot of snow. But for Copenhagen I feel obliged to claim both. And a thought just hit me. Why live in a cold and dark country like this? All my life I've claimed that I live here because it's were I was born and therefor have my life, family and friends. But I realised that it doesn't work as an explanation any more. I moved. Abroad. So I could have gone anywhere. But I moved to another Scandinavian country and here I am still in cold and darkness. But I guess this is life. To be hit by beauty and fall in love. And those feelings can not be controlled. And I'm in love with Copenhagen still. And at least once a day her beauty hits me and fills me with joy. And I'm i love with the beauty of white winter days and never ending summer nights in Scandinavia. So I am not complaining. Just stating the fact that my clock show 16.21 and outside my window is solid darkness.

Good behaviour.

I've come to realise even more how much nice behaviour and respect matters. To think one step further and not take for granted that every other person in the world is there for your every need and wish. We are grown ups people. Not kids. Think about it. That's all.

I still belive.

Sometimes you get news that are just hard to take in. News that feel so unexpected that you don't really now even how to start sorting out all the thoughts and feelings that are flowing over you like a huge wave. Of course you realise that this time is not about you and that all those feelings of sadness for your own reasons should be put aside and that the people actually in the centre of the action are the ones that should be considered. But it's hard when that big sadness hits you and the reasons for it are so many and among them is of course a wish for happiness for people that you care about.

I got these kind of news today and I don't know what to do. I got the news that a couple really close to me are breaking up. I didn't expect this at all. This couple was for me one of the reason for believing in love and in functional relationships. They seemed to have that balance between their life together and their own lives figured out. They seemed to care for each other and show it. And maybe they did. But apparently it wasn't enough. Apparently something was missing. I love these people, they are amazing persons both of them. And therefore these news makes me sad on so many levels. I'm sad that the image of love that they gave me turned out not to work. But more importantly i'm sad that they are sad. Even though this is a common decision it is of course a loss that needs to be mourned. And also I am sad because it might mean sort of loosing one of them. Which really really sucks. And I feel stupid being sad, i'm not the one breaking up. But I am and I can't help it. But I still believe in love. For them. For me. For everyone.

New finding.

It's just funny. That's all.

A little bit excited.

I'm job hunting. Since I about two weeks ago got the information that the last of December my position seize to exist I have been on the look out for a new job. This job I had was my first job after my university studies and I have learned a lot during these months. I'm still not entirely sure what I want to work with though. And with this turn of events the to opportunity try something a bit different has presented itself. And it is kind of exciting. Looking through the job sites a couple of times every day doesn't pay of every day, or even every second day. But then all of a sudden there's something that catches my eye, even though not always on the first look. But then it's is there. And after two weeks I have applied for four jobs. Four interesting jobs. Related to what I have studied and to my work so far in different ways. But still, all of them something new. It is a little bit exciting...

On friday the swedish invasion will arrive. Also exciting! It will be intense but a lot of fun for sure. A little bit exciting!

Saturday will be the day of an unexpected return. So great, so cool, and defenetly a little bit exciting.

And of course. Silly and happy with hunky guy. For sure a little bit exciting. For sure a little bit Lykke Li.

Thesis.

Stay home. Work hard. Get it done. That's all.

I bike Cph (aka. the rain)

Copenhagen can in many aspects be considered the perfect city for biking. The landscape is flat which makes it possible to bike long distances without getting totally wiped out and it is always possible to choose your own tempo. The politicians of Copenhagen are putting a lot of effort and money in to making biking easier and safer all over the city. The traffic in the city is very much adjusted to the biking population. There's just the tiny detail of the huge amount of rain that falls of the city. And I don't like biking in the rain.

I bike Cph (aka. blowing in the wind)

Copenhagen, the city of biking. Every day it is biked more than 1,1 million kilometres in Copenhagen and about one third of the population of Copenhagen bike to and from work and/or school (kk.dk). I am one of them. I take my bike to work, to capoeira, to friends and to parties. And I love it. With my new professional pink bike it is of course more awesome than ever. But there's so much more. There's the freedome of getting anywhere any time you want. And to get to know all parts of the city. Of course it's the same with walking or driving. I love walking so nothing against that, but it is a lot slower. And driving in a city centre can actually also be slower at times, at least it is more complicated finding the way. So I'm on my bike, enjoying CPH up close.

Today was not the mest conditions for biking though. I was really windy! I don't think it can be completly understod if you have not experineced it. But making a turn and feel like you are hitting a wall is not so nice. You struggle as hell to move forward and you basicly have very annoying pedestrians passing you by. Or you're on a bridge and the wind hits you from the side and you wonder if the traffic news missed to extend the warning about hard wind for cars on the big bridges to also include small girls on pink bikes on any bridge. But of course if the wind is in you back you go very fast! Weeeeeeee!

Restrained.

I've had no wish to write for a while. Every time I sit down and think that I should write something all ideas and all inspiration fly away in an instant. I've had things in my mind to write about as always. But I just can't transfer them in to words at the moment. I feel held back. I know that I am writing for me, and I usually do. But the knowledge of my readers is still there in the back of my mind and as I have at times before I find that knowledge restraining me at the moment. The interesting aspect is that it seemed easier to be open and putting myself out there when I was unhappy. That's stupid. To me it is stupid. I am happy and want to scream it from a mountain top. But I'm scared. That if I scream it would go away. And I would be standing there with the echo of my scream but without reason for my words. I'm scared that the loudness of my joy would be to much and would make you run. And I hate this fear and I hate this feeling of restraint. So I want to write, as I always have, what is on my mind and in my heart. And if anyone can't handle it, if anyone doesn't want this kind of insight in me, then stop reading. Then this blog is not for you. Because this is me. This is the way I write and the way I open up. And it is not necessary to read this blog to be a part of my life. There are many other ways to get to know me and know what is going on with me. And this is never all of me. It is bits and pieces that I chose the share. This is things that matter somehow, some times in their insignificance. This is my space and I will write what is on my mind. Again. And what is on my mind right now is you. And that you're mine and that I'm happy. And that when you send me a kiss online I smile for a long while. And I don't know anything about time or future. I just know, right now, right here, I'm smiling.
And I have realised that it is way harder to find songs about happy love than unhappy love.

Darkness.

I hate the darkness of fall and winter. Unless you have holidays and can spend all day and night in bed or on the couch it is just bloody awful. The lack of light just drags the energy away and at 5pm when the dark hits you're just dead tired. I know it comes with the long long summer nights, that it's a part of the package, and I love them! I'm really not looking for any sort of trade here. But still. It's dark and I'm so tired. And it sucks.

The Bitch.

Considering my last entrance and the unexpected, but very nice, meeting I had today I guess some self reflection might be in order. I wrote it. Be empathic. Think a bit more about other peoples feelings and try a bit harder to make an effort not to hurt people around you. That was what I called out for. That doesn't mean that I have always been doing this the right way. I've been a total bitch at times and there has even been moments I've enjoyed it. And I've really enjoyed doing whatever I feel like, without caring. I've been single and I have taken the time to retrieve me, to care about me and what I want. And it's easy and it's fun and sometimes things get out of hand and then you find your self standing looking in the rear mirror, realising that maybe somebody got hurt here. That was never my intention. I can't say that I regret my choices. I can say that maybe I could have done some things differently to be a bit more caring. Some people has meant more to me and others a bit less, but in spite of all I wish happiness to all.

Except the drunk jerks at Moose and similar places that actually just deserve the bitch.

Pissed off.

What the fuck is wrong with people? What is wrong with so many human beings and the way they go around behaving to each other? Is some respect and common politeness that much to ask for? Is the human world now and forever doomed to this? I know humans treat each other in sick and twisted ways, it has always been like this. Horrors of war, torture and rape. Of slavery and inhumanity in so many ways. I don't know why but these actions has always been connected to a mass of unknown others in my mind, probably because of a sense of protection. Because the realisation of that the executors of any kind of inhuman horrors could be anyone around you is for sure enough to make you mind start running towards insane. And most of us claim to be speechless when facing this in-comprehensive evil. But still I look around and I see shockingly childish and mean behaviour in my everyday life. And the big evil seems a bit more close. Come on people! If anything is ever going to change we need to start at the bottom. We need to start treating each other with respect. And we need to stop taking out our own old fears on the people around us. Maybe not the easiest but we need to try or the world will never change. And we should start with empathy for the people around us. Think one more moment about what it is like to be in somebody else's shoes. Understanding for others feelings and opinions will take us the first steps on the way.

Batizado.

I'm at home finally. On my couch, just finished watching Bridget Jones getting her Mr Darcy. My body and mind is on a level of tired that it hasn't been on for a long long time. There were training camps and football tournaments years ago that made me feel like this. And I have realised I've missed it. I've missed the intenseness of a training camp. The gathering of so many people of different ages, sex, nationalities and cultures, all sharing the same interest. I've missed working my body so hard that it aches. And I'm so happy to have found an activity with the social part as well that I get to share with old and new friends.

This weekend of capoeira has thought me so much. The masters and contra masters holding our workshops has been just amazing. I've really found something essential in my capoeira base. I feel i've started to find my feeling in the movements and also a bigger comprahention for the game in general. And I'm offically initiated to the caopeira world... I know this is supposed to be a big deal, and I really don't want to in any way seem disrespectful (because i am really not) but I it is not what I mainly will take with me from this weekend. There has been so many amaxing experiences that I have had and that I have learned from. I do have to admit that I am somewhat curious of my capoeira name. I guess I have to get back with that when I know it.

Over and out from dead tired swedish capoeirista.