Involuntary father.

During the last months there has been a debate going on at a Swedish tabloid's online version about pregnant women's right to alone decide about the faith of the baby. The debate originated from a readers e-mail to one of the bloggers of the site. The reader was in a problematic relationship when she discovered she was pregnant, which according to her was not planned at all. I don't remember the exact detail of what had happened with her, if they just broke up or if her boyfriend left when she told him about the pregnancy, but the bottom line was he didn't want this child and he was now out of her life. Her problem now was that she really wanted a baby, and was therefore wondering if it was okay to keep this one, that was already growing inside her.

I followed some of the debate and some of the comments and responses to this post was shocking to me. So many women told her that of course she could keep it. That of course it was normal that she wanted a child. And why should she suffer, and give up this child, just because the father didn't want it. Just because the father was an irresponsible basterd that just took off. All power to the women! Screw the stupid men! (Okay maybe a bit over the top, but some comments were quite aggressive).

This way of thinking is really shocking to me.

I do think that women should have the power over their body!
I do think that abortions should be legal and free and that it shall be possible for a women to have an abortion with no questions asked!
I do think that there should be good and safe medical care for pregnant women everywhere, it should be safe both to have an abortion as well as to give birth!

So yes, I do agree that the power of deciding the faith of an unborn baby lies with the women. BUT with great power comes great responsibility! A baby is conceived by two people (and I am not taking rapes in to this discussion, because that is another discussion). I do believe that those two people have the equal rights and responsibilities regarding their baby! And it is up to the woman to make sure that the father gets access to those right and responsibilities, she has the power.

And if you as a woman can't care less about the father of your child. If you think that he's a jerk and just don't give a shit about him and his rights, then at least think about the child! Who are you to decide that a mother is enough? Who are you to bring a child in to this world, that has a father that doesn't wants it? How are you going to explain that to you child?

I understand the want for a child. I understand that it might feel convenient to just keep the child that is already created. But I am claiming it is not the right way. There are other ways to have a child as a single mother. There are insemination or adoption. Yes it will take time, and energy and some money. But that child will be wanted and loved. The right way is not necessarily easy.

It is important to remember both parents parts in a pregnancy and not for women use the power they have, just because they can.

Also there are two very good articled related to this, published in a Swedish magazine yesterday:
"Kvinna - tänk dig att tvingas bli mamma"
"1 av 25 pappor fick barnet mot sin vilja"

Valentine.

February 14th. Valentines Day. The international day of love? Or a day of commerce forced on to us by the American corporations? In general I think that any reason to celebrate is a good one, so sure if you want to take the opportunity to celebrate you're loved ones today, go ahead. But for me it is to much expectations and forced actions connected to this day. In a way I can draw a parallel to how I feel about New Years Eve. Valentines day has become something that you have to recognize. Imagine not doing anything for your partner this day? There are a lot of people out there that would feel very forgotten and neglected. But come on! How fun is it to get flowers, a dinner, a gift or a 6-pack of Carlsberg's (or what ever it is that makes you feel appreciated and loved), because your partner felt he or she had to give them? Even if it isn't only the thought that counts, it does count a lot! It is the unexpected gift, on a random day, that says "Hey beautiful, I was thinking about you today" that really means something. That's the gift that's going to put a smile on your face, that's going to make you feel loved and special.

Friends.

Not much in life can give you such a high as hanging out with good friends! The choices I've made for my life comes with a fact of having my friends in many places around the world, and some I don't get to see that often. That moment you finally get to be together, to give that beloved friend a long hug, that is just a magical moment. And with a true friend it doesn't matter how long time it's been since the last time, you just know that you are loved - just the way you are!

With my darling Lina-babe

Me and Tompa

My beautiful Sofie!

The two sides.

Is there a good and a bad side to everything? I think that it mostly is. There are downsides that comes along with the good things, and it is possible to see something good with most bad things. I have during the last years developed a lot, I have grown as a person and in some ways blossomed, as my dear uncle T once said, and one thing that I have developed is my spontaneous side. I am naturally a very planning and controlling person and this of course affected my life. I came to a time and a place in my life when I really wanted to change this. I wanted to be able to change the way I was stuck with plans already made. I wanted to be able to go with the opportunities that come along and through that get to experience new fun things. I made it a goal and I developed strategies to actively work on this part of my personality. And it succeeded. I am still me, I am still a very good planning person, but I have developed a spontaneous side too. But there is that down side to it. I am much more spontaneous. I do go for the opportunities that come along. And they have lead to loads and loads of new experiences. And I am not gonna say that some of them were bad, that's not really right, but some of them where really not to smart. This is the consequence of throwing the planning and over thinking out the window. And I do accept that consequence. I believe in the saying that it's better to regret the things that you did, than to regret the things you didn't do. Even though I don't believe in regrets. I believe in learning from your past and try to not to make the same less smart choice twice. And a life lived to the fullest, and that's what I'm working on.