The wheels are turning.

I remember how this year started. I remember my thoughts and most of all my hopes for this year. Last year was a weird year. There was a lot of things going on that wasn't really good. After a big high in my life the road started getting bumpy in 2008 and I was having trouble finding my course. But in some way most things cleared out and the year ended well. So when this year started I had the impression that the worst was behind me. I had some truly great things in my life and the areas that were not so good I had high hopes. That is how this year started for me. And from there it all went downwards. Big time. And I ended up here. With two months left of the year, in the realisation of that I'm having a life crises. And that realisation is actually kind of good. Because I have been feeling bad and wrong and haven't at all been able to make sense out of how it can be that I no clue about what to do with any part of my life. So to realise that I have a crisis is good. Because that means that it is nothing really wrong with me, or least nothing that can't get better. And I start to really see that. I can see some positive prospects for my future. I can start to think more clearly about what to do and how. I have a long way to go. But I also know that I do have some amazing people around me. And that they will help me if I just ask. This doesn't mean that everything will magically get better. There's no way all of my issues can be resolved and that I will get success in all the things that I want. But it means that I'm ready to start fighting for that success, to start working for it. And even though 2009 turned out in a completely different way then I had hopes and dreams for 10 months ago, well that's just how life works isn't it? We can't get all the things we hope for, or want. But that doesn't mean that the thing we get instead, some of which we didn't know to wish for, aren't some really good things.